uncertainty

I grind my teeth til my tongue bleed

Til they cut its skin, and the flesh bleed

Grind, grind, grind; bleed, bleed, bleed.

carnival queen

The moon hung low amongst the tents tonight;
For she heard a song that bespoke with delight
Of a grand spectacle sung by dreamers—
of jesters and fire-eaters, midgets and jugglers—
a shabby court dancing, defiant of their queen
and her poodle lover with a tongue so clean

in measured steps and careful laughter,
the magician conjured the poison orders—
nothing to be spared of her, not even her garters.
Not one poodle hair on her white, white garters.
the balloon man howled, signaling the pack
the start of the hunt, with the moon on their back.

Carnival queen, oh carnival queen,
where art thou, our beautiful queen?
Cried the sweet, murderous chorus out for a scream.
Carnival queen, oh please do no fret,
we promise to be gentle in staging your death,
Not a drop spilt, or your ball gown’s wet.

She ran and ran, fraught with fear
For she hears their footsteps, ever so near
Nestled in her bosom—her poodle prince;
Flicks his tongue and licks her skin.
Sigh and sizzle, she muttered some relief
All she wanted was a reprieve from grief

For loving her prince—fangs, fur and tail
Was it ever so doomed as to end in this trail?
A lovers’ cliff opening to sea, arms outstretched--
offering rest; she stops on her track, breath heaving;
looking through his eyes, searching for meaning—
her court will soon meet them; certain and unforgiving.

____

the moon dipped on the black waters this night;
for she witnessed a spectacle that ended in heights.
She danced and she swirled, shining and beaming
Asking a question that henceforth goes ringing:
Carnival queen, oh carnival queen,
Where art thou now, oh beautiful queen?

the anatomy of seduction

my eyelids convulse to the beat of a thousand drums
when you stare at me like that—
a kid drinking me like soda pop in the hot afternoon sun;
primal, ravaging; taking me in big thirsting gulps
til i am no more. lost in the space between your gaze
and my terminal yearnings; in transit until the next train arrives,
dreaming my technicolor dreamscape of merry-go-rounds
and cotton candies; ferris wheels and easter bunnies;
drifting with the clouds in sing-song existence
as my anorexic angels plead my case, weeping in silence
for my release; wailing, destitute in the shadows
of this cathedral-prison that your likable-lickable
ice cream eyes built for me.
me--a wooden puppet whose strings are pulled taut;
closer and closer to you as you flash that bedeviled grin,
smoking hot and moan-inducing; oohhh.
me--a tattered soul quivering under your bright lights,
pierced at the iris to eschew any and all resistance
as you laugh your satin syrup laughter. divine and devastating.
my winged counsels dream the hara-kiri in torment
as my technicolor theme park melt to mush;
and the train lights go poof!

black is the color of seduction.

and then you say hello.

the tryst

amidst these boxes, stacked and labeled--
things owned and quietly forgotten;
amidst these dingy walls and forlorn floors,
and cobwebs gingerly hanging

we jostle and tumble, hungry and heaving--
thigh slide on thigh, hurried and clamping;
dribbling shallow breaths, back and forth
back and forth; yours to mine, mine to yours

tongues grope, thrust and flick,
eyelids fluttering quick;
backs arch, and buttocks glide,
bee stings blossom on backsides

we rise and ebb with the flood of our sweat,
rolling ruggedly on the dust carpet
of the stone-cold floor, as we fall asleep
caked with mud, as midnight creeps.

in remembrance

my sheets burst in flames
as we crackled like firecrackers
lighting up the gloom

in the silence of our cooling bodies
i planted a delicate kiss
on your nape, eyes closed

uttering a silent prayer
for each sweat-soaked thread
tasting all things stale and bitter-sweet

now in cinders

the factory sessions

Oh dear guava

Oh dear guava
Round and green
Your skin is flecked
And your tummy’s pink

I stammer, I mumble
I stumble, I fumble
Your seeds-a-crackle
In my mouth, they sizzle

Yak yak yak
And you bite back
Oh dear guava,
Dear guava, dear!

Ugly sick pig

Ugly sick pig,
When will you squeak?
This mousy’s stiff scared
Of your size so big

You wriggled, you wiggled
Your snout for to bicker
I wrangled, I strangled
In this pen, so I’ve trembled

You dirty old bugger,
Think you’re so clever;
But this rat’s some weaver
So shudder and shiver

Harrow the sparrow

Drink me dry
Of woe and sorrow;
For I am tired
Of being a sparrow;

Singing so high
living so low--
harken to my plea,
straighten my arrow;

for it is crooked
and needing a marrow;
so drink me dry
harrow this sparrow.

delirium's embrace

this skin longs to bathe
in amber streams of sunlight
with you, darling tender rider;
to embrace you aglow
with warmth only the light
of day can bring.
oh how these feet crave
the softness of sand
on the beach we have trod on;
in those long walks we took
with the singing gulls
and the gentle breeze.
how long has it been,
since we danced
the dance of sweet whispers
in the prairie wind,
unguarded, unshackled?

i dare not count the days;

for they fade away, screaming
with the mud splattered
on these coffin-walls
that we tear and scratch,
tear and scratch
til our voices grow hoarse,
and our fingernails crumble
in this sea of shadows,
unyielding, confining--
they bleed our hearts dry
to shades of somber ochre,
the color of despair

in our entombed embrace
i weep and plead,
weep and plead; to any god
who’ll take heed--
for these eyes long to see yours
smiling and sparkling,
riding out of this long night
of coffins and dungeons,
and darkness devouring;
into that faraway land
of open sunlit fields
my delirious mind
kept seeing

weep and plead
weep and plead; to any god
who’ll take heed

as these hands long to hold yours
free of tethers and manacles--
just us, riding side by side;
across the blue of the horizon
and the green of the grass;
the soft spray of the sea
and gentle cooing of the wind.
just us--
stripping free of our skins,
running free in our spirits;
free to float and to giggle
with the motes unseen;
and to bathe, at last
in glorious golden sunshine--

in the glorious light of our love,
in the glorious light of ourselves

aftertaste

my nights are endless
undulating silken rivers
flowing through these veins
intoxicating, alluring,
like late-night coffee talks
I take with you

in slumber I swim, up
your body’s highest peak,
wrestling the tides like a fish
in love with the moon;
to hang your picture
aglow with the stars--

frame your face
with the ebbing of the aurora
immortal for all to see--
like the dotted gods of the night sky;
ancient greek watchmen
gaze at steadily

you sip your cup, smiling
as you watch me wade
through this, my sea of lucid dreams
in between more sips
we swirl; undaunted even
as dawn crawls her steady pace

she finds me awake,
giggling, shaking
caffeine-busted veins
smelling of me and you
and night time fishes too.

swallow me whole

night raven,

you sang me
to sleep
sweetly; i toss
in my bed, restless
wanting
you to want
me, wanting
your song spinning
in my head
always;

night raven,

you flew me dreaming
atop your perch--
your voice smiles,
beguiles;
sing me
your heart song;
and i will leap
without thought
or hesitation
to my welcoming ravine

but your heart song
is my devouring--
i dance, i spin
to your hearty croaks;

ravens do not sing

soon i must wake,
I know I should—
rain down
arrows on you;
tear down
your song’s supple walls.

in the waking world
i hear
Sanity calling

and i’ll run,
I’ll flee
your voice
smiling, beguiling;
in my head,
and heed her call

lest you,
darling night raven

swallow me whole

whimper

your name
is a silent prayer
i whisper
in the caressing darkness

feverish,
i rise and fall
on whims
of your fingertips
running
the length of my back--
exploring every crevice,
every fold.

with each gentle dip
i whimper
your name--
hurried devotions
sinful supplications;
each velvet flick
of your tongue
leaves fire in my loins;

i burn. i sigh
your sacred syllables
under my breath--
they cocoon and drown me,
drown the fever;
send sweet shivers
down to my navel.

shuddering salvation
comes thick.

i drink
your name
drunk.

under the dome of the balete

here we are--

one flame
one song
one heartbeat--

amidst the murmur
of the insects;
amidst the chorus
of the breeze,
dancing
with the flowers
in a tight embrace.

here we are--

in this island of the balete
where time stands still;

under its hallowed canopy
streams of sunlight
pass through,
like in the great windows
of the Sistine
and San Marco;
illuminating
kisses, embraces
whispered 'i love you's.

hearts canonized
love sanctified
time petrified

here

under the dome of the balete.

legaspi park

by the crude light of lamp posts
we sat, held hands
hearts thumping like elephants

poetry flowed like water
flows downhill; as we

uttered silent prayers

silent oaths

in between breaths
in between stares

in between i love yous

sister catatonia

sister catatonia
my eyes bleed for you
untether me from
these unflinching stares
unhinge me, unbind me
look away
cursed beauty
absolve me
from all this madness

i see you

i close my eyes
and i see you
walking towards me

we are at the beach
lovers watching
their first
sunrise together
rolling waves
hit the rocks
near the dying embers
of our campfire
there's a different
sparkle in your eyes--
my most treasured jewels
as i put
dandelions on your hair
you smile
the sweetest smile at me...
darling,
do you remember?

i open my eyes
grey, dull, dry
the world
sudenly lost its beauty
it is ready to die

contentment

undressing one morning
in front of my parallel world
i noticed a slim body
smiling back at me
i put on my clothes
i put back the flabs

cold mourning

fairies entomb
my heart
bruised and beaten
in this dark
dank prison cell
of my youth
i died
an hour ago

fervent prayer

lied down on my back
prayed for sweet dreams to come
happily closed my eyes
torture

fire within

maggots greedily
burrow into my flesh,
punching black holes
on my pale skin.
they tear my veins;
squirm for a first dive
in a seemingly safe
toxic river

pity

feeling pride
insanely confident
i brag my accomplishments
to mute
staring dolls

slipping into oblivion

look at my eyes
they reflect nothing
pondering on things
about things
i sit on them
thinking, hoping
light would sting
my eyes
spark anew
something
or at least one thing
ushering
new things stirring
in my being
but alas
i sit still waiting
wasting
in this, my darkest of my nights
no light peering
not even a glimmer
of anything
nothing

lush

visited the "Secret" garden
of my childhood lately
to plant new Ones

melt

ice cream
thats what i was
the first time
i held your arms
would have loved
to melt
and cover you
all over
with luscious kisses
fill your mouth
with ardor
nourish you
with my flavor
seep through
every muscle and sinew
of your being
and fly out of you
a dove
changed by the loveliness
i've known inside
but i did not melt then
i was marble outside
stone-cold, inanimate
i remained a crow
the crow that i am
until now

by the quivering light

I
by the quivering light
of purple and gold
coloring the cheeks
of her darkening skies
the old lady
caressing her countenance
in the gossamer of a window
pane painted
a smile
on her wrinkled lips
once the soft petals
of a rosebud
kept moist by dewdrops
of fiery desires

II
she drew the curtains
with her lithe
gnarled hands
shunning the trickle
of dewdrops
staining her cheeks
purple

III
outside
the dying light
succumbs
to the prodding darkness

IV
by the quivering light
of stars entangled
in the billowing wind
a young lady
sails across her ocean
ablaze
with rose blossoms
and reaches to touch
her silken lips
brushing past
the moist maiden
skin of her hands

V
a goddess reborn
by the quivering light
of the dying

VI
she could have been
happier though
had her delicate hands
been a little more
smaller

VII
the hands of a lady
by the quivering light
of a fancy

child of twilight

child of twilight
ethereal
flame kindling fire
in the belly of
Frigidity
i am
delicious
mother can't resist biting
my lake basking
in delight of
Sunspots
strewn across
the demented landscape
of a dying mind
torn
i am
between
the safe coffins of
the Barcode Alliance
and the revelries
of the fairies
in my Secret forest
worshipping
ancient mysteries
of gods stripped
of their divinities
my mirror-twin
Narcissus
writhed for
in dreams he kept
praying for
amorphous T w i l i g h t
to descend
in saccharine sweetness
render us
to our limpness
blanket Agony
with Ecstasy
whose child
i am
lost

in utter stillness

the fire
has grown dim
in your eyes
and i grope
in the darkness
of your being...
where are you my love?

the river
has run dry
in my veins
yet you swim
in drunken happiness
while im drowning...
how could you, my love?

the silence
has beckoned us
to her breasts
and you suckled
in utter stillness
while i'm bleeding...
soon you'll leave me my love!

break the silence
let her milk flow
into my river
in the darkness
light my fire
in drunken happiness
in utter stillness...

i'm waiting!

like flame on my tongue

twenty wintry May
summers simmered me
to arctic coldness;
yet underneath my yellow
moon i moan
still for your taste--
stale warmth
of your breath
here in my mouth,
like flame on my tongue
dancing;
feverishly reluctant
to be extinguished
or released;
swirling,
fiery like whip,
billowing
inside me
devouring me--
a saliva slave,
writhing
for your searing
drops
precious
drops
trickling
torrential rains
on parched plains
of my skin,
til my twenty wintry
summers of May
simmer down
to nothing;
'neath my yellow arctic
moon melting,
effortlessly
like flame on your tongue

kiss the stars

kiss the stars
caught on your
marshmallow bed
of daytime clouds
touch the sun
in her loneliness
that she might
set early in the east
drown there forever
in her burning desire
wink at the moon
to shine a lustful beam
on your china face
penetrate
your velvet skin
make love with the nightwind
blow him gentle kisses
to melt away
his gentleness
dance the dance
of enticement
before the wide expanse
of your divine
tormented skies

catatonic

blood
no longer runs
in my veins i have
coke
as substitute
instead

my stomach
churns out
popcorn
on a daily basis
recycled
for added viewing pleasure

life is a constant movie
marathon passing
marathon
before my eyes

hbo reruns

i am
the movie star